"Charm" City

“Charm City” as Baltimore is so often referred to has become, well, not so charming these days. I was able to come home last Friday after 10 days in the hospital. Dr. Orens came into my room on Wednesday and said that he really wanted to watch me closely and have me stay until Monday. I had no control over the tears that quickly formed and ran down my cheeks. When he saw those tears he changed his mind and said that he didn’t want to make me cry and that Friday would be just fine! Then we joked that tears were my plan and if that didn’t work, Mom was going to start crying too! Dr. Orens said that now I know his weakness…just a few tears will do the trick!

It has been so good to be home. I can rest when I need to and walk and do easy house work…and I get to be with my husband. It has also been very hard. Even though my bronchocosopy results came back normal with no signs of rejection, I’ve been feeling out of breath and my PFT numbers have dropped. Today I was really concerned about them. I talked to my coordinator, Brian, and he talked to Dr. Orens. They wanted me to come to Hopkins today and have an x-ray and more accurate PFT’s done, but by the time we would have gotten down there, the PFT lab would have been closed and there would be no point. Brian set us up for both test tomorrow morning…he tried so hard to get us in! Unfortunately, the only time they had available for PFT’s is 8:15 AM. So, we’ll be leaving Hagerstown at 6:30 tomorrow morning…prayers would be great.

As I mentioned before, Baltimore is not so charming any more. This morning we made the hour and a half trip to do blood work. We couldn’t do it locally because it takes local labs 4-5 days to get the results from one of my anti-rejection drugs. That is just too long. It wasn’t a bad trip at all though! I slept both ways. Mom does such an amazing job driving back and forth so often…especially with me sound asleep the whole way! And the phlebotomist was able to draw blood on her first try! That is not easy with my skinny, little veins! Thankfully, all of my numbers looked good!

To be honest with you, my body has been struggling, but so has my heart. The mornings are so hard…my body just doesn’t want to move, my lungs take time to wake up, and my swelling is still so uncomfortable. During the day time I’m ok…just naps and walks and getting little things done here and there. At night I have to sleep on the couch and try to get as comfortable as possible. With all of those inconvenient things and my PFT’s dropping, I must say that sometimes it is so hard to hang on and remember that it will not always be this way. This morning as I ate my Cheerios, I read Psalm 46. It has always been my favorite. The writer is saying all that God is capable of…and yet God’s words to us are “Be still and know that I am God.” And we are trying to do just that. Instead of over thinking things and getting worried, we are going to take things one hour at a time…and if that is too much, we’ll just take each minute as it comes. So, as we wait for the day when I can breathe, we know how to take care of these wonderful new lungs, and we live our version of “normal” I pray that God will remind us of what he has promised…He will never leave me, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, I can do all things through Christ.

- Rachel

A little collage I did in the hospital : )