One Year

One year ago today I posted a blog about how tired we were getting of waiting, how long the 109 days of being listed had been, that I just wanted to get it over with. Once again, I found myself giving up the control that I didn’t have anyway and trusting in God’s timing. And that night the phone rang. I remember how surreal it was. The lady on the phone sounded so calm and pleasant. “Hi Rachel, Dr. Shah would like you to come down to Baltimore tonight and have your lung transplant in the morning.” I remember exactly where we were on the Dual Highway, exactly what song was on the radio, exactly what it felt like to choke the tears down as I finished the phone call.

Everyone keeps saying, “Congratulations!” and “Wow, you seem to be doing great!” when they find out that February 26th is my one year anniversary. And I probably make the strangest face back at them…trying to smile and thank them knowing that God has done incredible things in my life, but having the feelings in my heart go the opposite direction. I will be the first person to say that God does miracles, that He heals, that He does far more that we can even imagine. I am writing this right now as proof. But I am also here to tell you that it is not easy. When they warned me that the first year would be a nightmare, they were 100% accurate. They told me that transplantation is not a “fix.” It’s a trade. I can breathe now. I can go up the stairs. I can vacuum. But I still take medicines, still go to the doctors a lot, still don’t have the body of a 24-year-old. Sometimes I get so frustrated. I forget that “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows” (John 16:33) even if you do get a double lung transplant. I forget that there isn’t a verse in the Bible that says, “Life will be so easy and everything you do will work out perfectly and be shiny and sparkly.” Nope. It isn’t in there. Believe me, I’ve looked. But I can tell you this morning, that looking back over the last year, the times when I stopped expecting things to be super easy, when I accepted that I will have problems, those were the times that I truly lived. Because then could take comfort in the words that follow in that verse, “But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” How awesome is that? Jesus knew about trials and sorrows. He was tempted. He lost his friends to death. He was cheated. He was betrayed. He was lied to. He was hurt. He was humiliated. He asked God to change things. He trusted when God didn’t alter the plans. He felt alone. He couldn’t breathe. But He did not give up. And He didn’t just get by either. He overcame.

That’s what I want to do. I will not let this get the best of me. I will live my life, however long or short, healthy or sick, happy or sad. And no one is ever going to convenience me that I have to have a flashy career, a fancy house, tons of money, kids, a white picket fence, or normal body, to live life to the full.

For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:10 

Thank you for supporting me and my family through this year.  I'm so excited and so hopeful to see what God is going to do in my second year. It's going to start of with a new hermit crab to join my other two little sweeties! Jonny's lungiversary present to me :) And I'm really going to try to get better at updating our blog. This Thursday I have my 1 year bronch, so if you think of me, please pray that my lungs will be looking good from the inside and that there will be no signs of rejection.

Love,

Rachel